Memory Lapse
by Agent M
Summary: Tony's confused...whose bed is he handcuffed to?  Serious TIVA suggestion.  Lots of innuendo. Nothing explicit but rated just to be sure.  Just a oneshot to make do whilst I continue working on next big story.  Hope you like...Please, please review.


Disclaimer:The usual...Don't own the characters, just inspired by them.

Author's note :Not up to my usual standard, I know, but we can't all be perfect all

of the time! LOL!

Thanks to:Michael Weatherly for being so crazy!

**Memory Lapse**

Tony stirred. He was lying on his back. Gradually his senses came to. His head was pounding and his mouth felt like used sandpaper. As his brain tried to wake up he attempted to open an eye. His right eyelid began to twitch before prising itself up. A light came into focus...a window. A window with curtains he didn't recognise. His eye attempted to wander along the wall. There were two plaques, one above the other. They depicted the human torso in all it's naked glory: a male one and a female one. Tony's brain tried to register what he was seeing. He was confused. This _wasn't_ his apartment and yet he _was_ lying in a bed. He forced his left eyelid up and waited for his focus to arrive. He winced at the amount of light that was bouncing off his retina. As his eyes took in the room, he still didn't recognise anything. It was only when he tried to move that he fully realised that there was something not quite right. His left arm had restricted movement. He felt something cold and metallic against his wrist. With some degree of trepidation he discovered that he was handcuffed to the head of the bedstead. His eyes moved to the right in a desperate attempt to remember how he had ended up like this. Slowly, he raised the covers with his free hand to check his attire; he was in his boxers and a tee shirt. He sighed, slightly relieved, as he noticed his jeans on an ottoman at the foot of the bed; the keys to the cuffs would be in his pocket. Slowly, because the slightest movement increased the sledgehammer in his head, he pushed himself up onto his side and attempted to stretch his free arm in the direction of his jeans. Mission impossible, even _his_ long arms had no chance of reaching. He tried a different approach; flinging the covers aside he outstretched his lean right leg and attempted to reach his jeans with his foot. They were just that tiny bit out of reach so he tried to scoot down the bed a little. Before he could make another attempt, the bedroom door opened.

"Oh...good,...you're awake." Tony's jaw dropped slightly, the surprise evident on his face.

"_Ziva_?" His eyeballs bounced around in their sockets as he tried to figure out what was going on. "Where am I?"

"My bedroom," came the matter of fact reply. She added, "You put on quite a show last night."

Tony had a look on his face that conveyed his confusion tinged with horror. He glanced to the right again, desperate to remember. His lips began to form a question but he couldn't decide which word to use first: how? Or why? Or even what?

Ziva smiled, "Here...I brought you some breakfast." She placed a tray at the side of the bed and picked up a bottle of mineral water, offering it to him.

Tony regained the use of his lips. "You...got _any..thing_ else?" His eyebrows were raised as he glanced at the cuffs, shaking his head to emphasise the question, then wincing at the movement.

Ziva seemed to misunderstand. "You want _orange juice_?"

"I meant ... _**a key**_!" Tony wore a crazed expression and sounded a little bit exasperated as he rattled his handcuffed wrist.

"Ohhhh!" responded Ziva.

"Come to think of it, _Zi_-va. Why _am_ I cuffed, half-naked, to your bed?"

She had a mischievous grin on her face. "You don't remember?"

Tony's face displayed a '_would I have asked if I did?_' look. Again, he shook his head to convey his frustration. Again, he winced as the pounding in his head gained momentum.

Ziva sensed her advantage. Seductively she said, "You were _wild_ last night, Tony..." Her eyebrows flashed upwards upon the word '_wild_'. She grinned once more before looking puzzled at her captive. "...What _are_ you _doing_?"

Tony was making another attempt at reaching his jeans with his outstretched leg. His toes were desperately trying to hook onto a belt loop. His eyes never left his target. "_Trying_ to get my jeans so that I can get _my keys_ to get _this thing_ off." He rattled his wrist again to make his point.

"Oh...they won't work..." Ziva continued matter of factly. "...You need Gibbs' key."

Tony stopped stretching and looked at her squarely, more confusion etched on his face. "And why would I need _Gibbs'_ key?"

The answer was straight forward enough. "Because he was the one who handcuffed you to my bed."

The confusion turned to horror. Tony had a brief flashback. Gibbs had joined them at the bar after work. He remembered now that he'd thought it unusual at the time. The Boss _never_ drank with them. He tried frantically to recollect more details but they were extremely sketchy. He began to feel nauseous.

He ran his right hand down his face, his fingers stopping at his mouth. He looked towards the window, mentally telling himself that he was _never_ going to drink again. His eyes returned to Ziva who was looking a little bit concerned.

"Are you okay, Tony?"

He closed his eyes, briefly. "You got any Compozine?" His stomach was beginning to lurch.

"You're dehydrated. You need water." She picked up the bottle from the tray beside her.

"No.._what I __**need**_...is the _key_ to these damn cuffs!" Tony wanted to get out of there. He no longer wanted to know the whys or the hows or even the whats, he didn't think he could stomach it. When Ziva didn't make any move, his exasperation began to really show. "So **where is it**?"

Ziva was enjoying every minute of Tony's discomfort, yet she didn't show it.

"I told you...Gibbs has it."

At that precise moment, a strong smell of freshly ground coffee wafted into the room. The door opened and Gibbs' head appeared around the doorframe.

"Coffee, Honeybuns?"

Tony turned grey. An extremely horrified expression descended upon his face. Gibbs looked serious. Tony thought he was going to pass out. To no one in particular he asked, "What did you do to me?"

Gibbs' eyes hinted at his amusement. "Relax, Casanova,...you're not my type..."

Tony sighed with heavy relief.

Gibbs raised his eyebrows, the corners of his mouth pulled downwards, "...maybe McGee's..."

Tony's eyes flashed horror again. McGee's beaming face appeared around the doorframe. He nodded a greeting.

"Morning, Tony..._Zi_va."

Gibbs gestured for McGee to head for the front door before handing a small key to Ziva. "I want you both back in the squad room in an hour." He grinned at Ziva before leaving. Tony didn't see it because he had his head back on the pillow, shaking it slightly. His eyes were closed and his hand was covering them. He wanted to die.

Ziva dangled the key, teasingly.

Tony opened his eyes and looked at her accusingly. "_**What**_ did you do to me?" he asked through clenched teeth. He tried to snatch the key but she pulled it away quickly.

"You really should drink some water, Tony." She unscrewed the cap on the bottle and sat down on the bed next to him. She leaned in closely as she moved the water towards his lips. He watched her suspiciously, but took a sip anyway. Ziva replaced the cap and placed the bottle on the floor at the side of the bed. She began to whisper seductively in Tony's ear.

"Now that we're alone...tell me..._where_ did you learn to do _that_?"

Tony was still eyeing her up cautiously but was getting a little distracted by the fact that she smelled so good. The hint of a puzzled grin formed on his lips.

"Learn to do _what_...exactly?"

"Ohh,..you don't remember?" Ziva seemed disappointed. She raised one eyebrow. "It was _very_ impressive...so big!...and yet, so ..." Her final word was chosen carefully. "...delicate." She grinned naughtily.

There was a brief flicker of pride on Tony's face, but the confusion soon returned. He had absolutely no idea what she was referring to. He could only assume she meant...

Ziva continued, "You must show me again, sometime...then maybe _I_ can do it for _you, _yes" She flashed her eyes provocatively, her tongue rested playfully at the corner of her mouth.

Tony grinned back. He almost caved but something in him sensed that there was something not quite right. He wagged the index finger of his free hand at Ziva.

"Very good, Ziva. You almost had me...Now give me the key." His fingers beckoned. She sighed and handed it over. Swiftly, Tony undid the cuffs and released his hand. Ziva stood up but didn't move any further. Tony swung both legs to the right, sitting up and grabbed his jeans from the ottoman. He pulled them on but didn't fasten them. Instead he stood up and walked around to Ziva, who was still standing at the opposite side of the bed. He moved in close to her; there was barely an inch between them.

"So you gonna tell me?...Or do I have to use my imagination?" He grinned, playfully whispering, his lips millimetres from hers. All thoughts of horror and shock had vanished from his mind. Now he was thinking like DiNozzo again.

"Tell you _what_?" She was really enjoying this game.

"Mmmm..." Tony's eyes narrowed, ".._.big_?..._delicate_?.." He winked, his tongue peeped out of his mouth.

Ziva softly gripped his hand. She tugged him gently towards the door. Her eyes hungrily suggested he go with her. "Come on..." she whispered, "...I'll show you...in the living room." Her eyebrows rose suggestively as her tongue glided across her lips.

Tony laughed softly. '_Maybe there is something to this whole memory loss thing, after all_' he thought to himself.

Ziva led him through the door into the living room and pointed towards the coffee table. On it stood a sculpture made out of a whole pack of playing cards.

"I never knew you were so talented, Tony!" She burst out laughing. The playful grin vanished from Tony's face and he glared at her with a fixed, close-lipped grin, his head shaking around.

"This isn't over, Da_vid_...I don't get mad...I get _even_."

The gauntlet had been thrown down...

**NCISNCISNCISNCIS**

Not completely _'in character'_, I know...but still...Please, please, please review.


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